How to Deal with Money Guilt
If you pay close attention, you’ll find that most of your money guilt stems from your childhood or past negative experiences with money.
Welcome to the 62nd post of The Aim and Soar Life, a weekly newsletter about faith, personal growth, and lifestyle that provides actionable, relatable, and biblically rooted content to help you live abundantly and GROW YOU. GOD’S WAY.
Greetings!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there, whether biological or spiritual. If you’d like to read an awesome post about motherhood, check out The Making of a Mother, a post I wrote last year.
In keeping with our monthly theme, Mind Your Money, I want to talk about money guilt today.
To put it simply, money guilt is guilt associated with spending money. This is often a hot topic in the financial literacy community, and I want to explore it with the hopes of blessing someone.😍
As I said in last week’s post, my desire to teach financial education and provide counseling in the area of personal finance is not due to my history of being so great with money all my life, but because my mistakes have taught me some valuable lessons that I know are beneficial for others who are seeking help with their finances.
If you have ever purchased something and have immediately regretted it or felt guilty about it, you have experienced money guilt.
If you pay close attention, you’ll find that most of your money guilt stems from your childhood or past negative experiences with money.
And depending on whom you seek out for financial coaching, money guilt can arise when you go against something you’ve been taught by your financial coach or educator.
For example, some financial coaches teach you that if you have debt, you shouldn’t buy a coffee, go out to dinner, or do anything “fun” until all your debt is cleared.
I’m here to tell you as a therapist, that is not my school of thought.
However, as you can imagine, if your coach or someone you follow teaches this extreme self-deprivation approach to solving money problems, this can lead to money guilt.
Scenario: You have been actively working toward solving your money problems and improving your finances by working with a financial coach or following a money coach on social media who leans toward the extreme deprivation approach.
One day you have a craving for your favorite coffee (for me it’s the mocha frappe from McDonald’s—it’s my Kryptonite😂) You buy yourself a little (under $10) coffee treat, and in the back of your mind, you hear your financial “coach” saying, “You don’t deserve to buy a cup of coffee because you are in debt. That is stupid!”
Suddenly, you feel like a failure. You feel stupid. You feel like you can’t do anything right. Now your little enjoyment has been totally ruined. And even though you’ve been really working hard, you feel like one measly cup of coffee or latte (or mocha frappe in my case) has tossed all your progress out the window.😳
My friend, this is no way to live!
Money guilt must be tackled if you want to maintain emotional sanity.
Let’s start by answering two questions:
What is the root of your money guilt?
How can you still enjoy some of the things you love while you work toward your financial goals?
The Root of Money Guilt
If your money guilt stems from your childhood because you had a rough upbringing where your basic needs like housing and food weren’t met consistently, and now you feel guilty when you spend, you need to explore these feelings.
You may need to seek a financial therapist to help resolve some of your issues surrounding money. It’s okay to seek help.😍
Sometimes you can have a good-paying job and be a decent money manager, but because of your past, irrational fears will take over and tell you that you shouldn’t spend money when it’s perfectly okay for you to spend and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Guilt can also stem from how others think you should handle money when you are in debt, like in the scenario I shared above. In this case, you need to ask yourself, can I flourish mentally and emotionally while following this plan?
There are plenty of financial coaches, educators, and gurus out there. You have to find someone whose values fit with yours.😍
Don’t be fooled into thinking there is only one way to do something—especially when it comes to money. Someone’s system of eliminating debt may have worked for a million people, that’s great. However, that doesn’t mean it’s the best system or program for you!
As my granny used to say, “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” And no, I’m not promoting animal cruelty, it’s just a saying. You get the point.
Eliminating debt and becoming great with your money is similar to losing weight. If you try to do something that is too extreme, you will quickly become frustrated and quit, accomplishing nothing.
Find a system you can stick to, even if it takes you a bit longer. If you can handle it mentally and emotionally, go for it.
Get to the root and make a plan!
Enjoy Yourself on the Money Mastery Journey
Should you forgo all pleasures because you are in debt?
Absolutely not.
I do not advocate for this. One, because it’s unreasonable, and two, because it’s not sustainable.
If you are in debt, of course, you need to develop a budget. But saying you aren’t going to buy a coffee or go out to dinner or a movie until you are out of debt is unsustainable for most. If you can do this have at it! There is no shame. I am speaking to those of us who would find this too restrictive.
Yes, when in debt, you do need to cut back on your spending, vacations, luxuries, etc. In doing this, however, you cannot and should not cut out everything. It’s mentally taxing and frustrating. A better way to handle it would be to significantly reduce your spending in non-essential areas and put the difference on your debt.
Come to an agreement with yourself and/or your spouse about a reasonable amount of money you can set aside for yourself—to spend however you want—while you work toward your financial goals.
This amount should be worked into your budget and should be something you can live with. I repeat: You need to be able to live with the amount.😍
The amount should also be small enough that it helps reduce the stress you feel surrounding debt because you know that you are putting the bulk of your money toward debt, and it should be large enough that you are satisfied with the amount.
I’m not talking about being irresponsible, I’m talking about being realistic and reasonable.
This will allow you to have some enjoyment while simultaneously improving your financial situation.
Money guilt can be a by-product of our upbringing or our desire to get out of debt so quickly that we attempt extreme measures that are difficult to sustain.
God never guilts us. When we make mistakes, we can go to Him for assistance. His wisdom can help us in all manner of situations—especially with our money.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
James 1:5, NKJV
Until Next Time,
GROW YOU. GOD’S WAY.
Sherrhonda😍
P.S.
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